Patience is a virture (just not one of mine)

So I wrote before about us moving soon. Well I know it hasn't been very long, but the impatient part of me is getting tired of waiting.

Its funny because I am normally a very impatient person (to a fault sometimes) and so when I have an idea I'm the kind of person who will run right out and do what ever it is that I wanted to do (or at least start planning it). If I don't do it right away my excitement runs out and I just don't end up doing it at all. I also feel that my outlook on life is generally optimistic. I normally feel very positive about being able to accomplish goals and I jump right into making plans. My husband on the other hand is what I call the eternal pessimist. (He would say he is more of a realist - but either way he doesn't share my optimistic view of things.) (love ya hon) He is normally a wait and see kind of person. If we have an idea he doesn't let himself get excited about it and normally just says lets wait and see what happens. Well this whole moving situation has been totally different. After a long heart to heart talk about things, we both decided that it was really time to move. I just figured we would start applying for jobs and see what happened. But instead Jay started getting really excited about moving and constantly talking about it (how very Lori of him). I tried to take on his roll of lets see what happens, but when the eternal realist/ pessimist is sitting there telling me that we should start packing (which we have) its really hard to not get excited myself (being the impatient optimist that I normally am). So we (read I) have done quite a bit of packing so far (most of the non essentials that we won't miss if they are packed for 6 months or so) and now we still have no job. We have had a few leads and still have one currently, but other than that we are kind just sitting still. So now Jay and I are both really anxious to get out of here and have an office full of boxes :) but still nowhere to go. Anyway I just think its funny that I've been trying to be the realist in the situation and Jay has totally taken on my roll. Its a good thing that we normally balance each other out, because I would hate to see what would have happened if I had married someone more like myself in these regards. I guess its good that opposities really do attract. Well hopefully we will find out about the job in NY soon and/ or find another job so we can get out of Arkansas.

Disappoint is looming near

So Jay and I have been job hunting. We finally decided that it is time to leave Arkansas!!! The whole thing was started by a conversation about us needing to be close to family and stuff for the kids sake. We started talking about moving up to Iowa for a few years to be around my familiy before we permenately moved up to New York where Jay's family is. We have been talking about things for a couple of weeks, and have already applied for a couple of jobs. We are applying in both Iowa and New York for now. Well we were leaning towards moving to Iowa for a while, but it just seems like those doors keep closing. But not even just closing clearly shut, but they close, then open then seem like they are open but then close again. Its like God is teasing me with moving to Iowa. I am so frustrated right now. We still don't have a decision made as to where we are going, but doors are definately more open in New York at this point then they are in Iowa. Why is me wanting to be around my family for a few years such a bad or impossible thing. Why are we going to end up in New York around Jay's family and not mine (no offense to any of Jay's family who are readin this. Its not anything against you guys - I just want to be around my family for awhile). Why does it seem that my desire to live in Iowa is never going to happen. Why do I feel like I am wishing for something impossible. I feel like right now I might as well be saying I want to go on a cruise or a trip to Italy, cause it seem just about as likely right now. What is so wrong with being around my family. And even if it isn't what God has for us, why does it seem like He has totally been teasing me with the desire to do so and then saying no. Why let me dream. Why not let me just be miserable here instead with no hopes and no expectation for the future. Why let me have dreams anyway. Why?? I guess I should know better than to dream.