Another Household Expense

The oven in our house is really old, and we knew it wouldn't last forever... can you see where this is going. Leah's birthday party was on Saturday and I decided to serve frozen pizzas for dinner. First problem was the pizza's are supposed to cook at 425 degrees. Well our oven has been working, but only at 350 degrees for a little while. We made a total of 4 naturally rising pizzas (two at a time) which each were supposed to cook for 20 or 25 minutes. So in theory we should have been able to eat in no more than an hour after I put the first pizza in. Well two hours later we were finally sitting down to our pizza... I think thats a bad sign. The burners on the stove still work fine... but now that winter is coming up I'm going to want to bake in the oven more and its probably not very energy efficient to have to cook things for so long.... let alone the fact that not everything will turn out when baked at 350 degrees. So it looks like this guy and this guy will be finding a new home in my kitchen on thursday. Good thing we have some Lowes gift cards and a 10% off coupon... that will make it a little more affordable. We are still working really hard at paying our new central heat and air we had installed when our main window airconditioner died on us in the hottest part of the summer. Oh the joys of homeownership.

Our oldest turns 4 today!

It's so hard to belive that Leah is 4 years old today! It seems like just yesterday we were starting out on this journey of parenthood. Now 4 years later we are doing it all again for a third time. As I write this I am 34 weeks pregnant with our third daughter. It was just hitting me the other day that Leah's birthday and the new babys birthday could potentially be very close. My due date is just over a month away, but I've been having a lot of contractions lately so its possible I may go into labor early.

Leah has been so excited about her birthday this year. She told us today that this is her best birthday ever. Last night my mom took us all to Chuckie Cheese and then we went back to her house for presents and cake. Today my dad stopped by first thing this morning with a card for Leah (and she is very excited to spend her birthday money by the way). I took the girls to Target for a birthday shopping trip and then we picked up Chickfila for lunch. Daddy stopped home on his lunch break and Leah got to open up her presents from Grandma-ma. She opened up her presents from us last night at my mom's (I know I'm not sure how I got that one past the present nazi - we don't open presents early in our house) :) Then tomorrow (day three of celebrations) is her birthday party with her friends. This will be Leah's first birthday party and she is really excited. We are just having a couple of friends over for pizza and cake, but Leah is really excited. (so is Hannah for that matter). Well all this talk of the party tomorrow reminds me that I need to go clean the house.

Back to blogging

So I think I'm finally going to start blogging again. I know, I know you probably thought I died. I'm going to attempt the whole blog thing again. Its hard to believe its been almost a year and a half since I last blogged... where has time gone. First of all... we left Arkansas (yay us), went to St. Louis for about 2 months and then ended up back in Iowa at my moms house. We lived with my mom for just over 2 months and then finally bought our first house. We were so excited to get our stuff out of storage and have our own space again. We purchased our house in December of 06, and have been learning more and more about frugal living each day. Through trial and error (and of course God's provision) I have learned many ways to stretch a dollar and we are actually doing much better financially now than when we were making double the salary in Arkansas. I am very thankful to God for all the ways he has provided for us and blessed us in the last year. Its really amazing when you think about it all.

Well since I spend so much time online looking for great deals, I figured I would start blogging about some of them. Hopefully I can create a one stop place for my fellow frugal friends to find deals, plus it will be nice to have a record to look back at and see all of God's provisions.

some random thoughts about our future and direction

So Jay and I have been having continued conversations about us moving... and what to do... where we want to go, etc. I feel like we are getting closer to a decision.... but still have a long ways to go. Anyway when I was talking to Anna about things yesterday she had some very good points, that I have been pondering today.

• Jobs are temporal, more important than finding a job in a certain location is just deciding on a location that you want to be and will be happy.
  
• so I've been thinking about that alot today... Jay has suggested that we just move somewhere and then find a job when we get there. This thought has scared me a lot. I keep thinking we need to find a job and then move where the job is. But maybe the more important thing is to move somewhere we really want to be and then find a job when we get there. It is all about location.
• Maybe us finding this job was less about it being God's will and more about the fact the the place that Jay works is always hiring and is desperate to find people. Maybe that's why they sought us out. Not because it was necessarily God's will for us to come here, but just because they needed an employee.
  

Well I gotta go make dinner, but those are two of my random thoughts.

Patience is a virture (just not one of mine)

So I wrote before about us moving soon. Well I know it hasn't been very long, but the impatient part of me is getting tired of waiting.

Its funny because I am normally a very impatient person (to a fault sometimes) and so when I have an idea I'm the kind of person who will run right out and do what ever it is that I wanted to do (or at least start planning it). If I don't do it right away my excitement runs out and I just don't end up doing it at all. I also feel that my outlook on life is generally optimistic. I normally feel very positive about being able to accomplish goals and I jump right into making plans. My husband on the other hand is what I call the eternal pessimist. (He would say he is more of a realist - but either way he doesn't share my optimistic view of things.) (love ya hon) He is normally a wait and see kind of person. If we have an idea he doesn't let himself get excited about it and normally just says lets wait and see what happens. Well this whole moving situation has been totally different. After a long heart to heart talk about things, we both decided that it was really time to move. I just figured we would start applying for jobs and see what happened. But instead Jay started getting really excited about moving and constantly talking about it (how very Lori of him). I tried to take on his roll of lets see what happens, but when the eternal realist/ pessimist is sitting there telling me that we should start packing (which we have) its really hard to not get excited myself (being the impatient optimist that I normally am). So we (read I) have done quite a bit of packing so far (most of the non essentials that we won't miss if they are packed for 6 months or so) and now we still have no job. We have had a few leads and still have one currently, but other than that we are kind just sitting still. So now Jay and I are both really anxious to get out of here and have an office full of boxes :) but still nowhere to go. Anyway I just think its funny that I've been trying to be the realist in the situation and Jay has totally taken on my roll. Its a good thing that we normally balance each other out, because I would hate to see what would have happened if I had married someone more like myself in these regards. I guess its good that opposities really do attract. Well hopefully we will find out about the job in NY soon and/ or find another job so we can get out of Arkansas.

Disappoint is looming near

So Jay and I have been job hunting. We finally decided that it is time to leave Arkansas!!! The whole thing was started by a conversation about us needing to be close to family and stuff for the kids sake. We started talking about moving up to Iowa for a few years to be around my familiy before we permenately moved up to New York where Jay's family is. We have been talking about things for a couple of weeks, and have already applied for a couple of jobs. We are applying in both Iowa and New York for now. Well we were leaning towards moving to Iowa for a while, but it just seems like those doors keep closing. But not even just closing clearly shut, but they close, then open then seem like they are open but then close again. Its like God is teasing me with moving to Iowa. I am so frustrated right now. We still don't have a decision made as to where we are going, but doors are definately more open in New York at this point then they are in Iowa. Why is me wanting to be around my family for a few years such a bad or impossible thing. Why are we going to end up in New York around Jay's family and not mine (no offense to any of Jay's family who are readin this. Its not anything against you guys - I just want to be around my family for awhile). Why does it seem that my desire to live in Iowa is never going to happen. Why do I feel like I am wishing for something impossible. I feel like right now I might as well be saying I want to go on a cruise or a trip to Italy, cause it seem just about as likely right now. What is so wrong with being around my family. And even if it isn't what God has for us, why does it seem like He has totally been teasing me with the desire to do so and then saying no. Why let me dream. Why not let me just be miserable here instead with no hopes and no expectation for the future. Why let me have dreams anyway. Why?? I guess I should know better than to dream.

My great money idea

So I think I'm cool cause I've been reading all kind of Financial blogs lately cause we are finally going to open up an IRA with some of our tax returm. In the process I have found a bunch of other useful financial information. One thing that I keep reading about on the blogs is creating a price book which is basically a list of your normal grocery and house hold purchases and their prices so you know when you are at another store if a sale is really a good idea. You are also supposed to put typical sale prices in the book so you can know the lowest price an item will be that you frequently buy and stock up on during sales. Well I finally decided to start making one of these (I'm in the process of putting prices into an Excel spreadsheet and then I'll play with it from there - I just sat down with my last two weeks of grocery receipts to get started with prices and what we normally buy. This is going to be a really big task, to actually get all the prices in there and set it up in a useable fashion, but I really think it will pay off. We were just recenly at a store we don't normally shop at and saw some things that appeared to be cheaper than they were at walmart and now I know that if I had a price book in my purse I would have know what things were a good deal and what things weren't.
I've really been trying to make a budget and stick to it and since we don't have a lot of things that I can cut back on (we are going to be switching to a prepaid cell phone instead of my $50 a month plan I have right now), but really groceries are the best place for me to cut. So I've been setting us a strict limit each week and trying really hard to stick to it. Sometimes it works sometimes I am shocked when the checker rings up my total. Well I had a brilliant idea (or at least I think its brilliant) that once I get my price book all set up in excel and start making my grocery list from it I can know how much we will spend at the grocery store before I get that shocking total from the cashier. So I'm planning on getting this all set up soon and then I can know what I will spend and decide what we can stock up on or what we need to do without that week while I'm still at home instead of trying to figure out a running total at the store while I shop. So that was my big idea and I'm excited to try it out.
I'm also excited cause as soon as our tax return gets here (we are hoping to file tonight) we can pay off our discover card and actually be ahead a month instead of always being behind. (We basically put all our expenses on the discover card each month and then pay it off at the next bill cycle, but it is always stressful when the bill comes cause we always spend more than we should. Now we will pay for things out of the checking account and if we don't have the money we can't buy it, instead of just putting it on the card and worrying about how to pay for it when the bill comes.

Anyway I'm excited about getting our finances in line and actually controlling them rather than them controlling us!

We are going on a limo ride tomorrow!

So Jay and I are going on our first ever limo ride tomorrow for Valentines Day!! I'm so excited. We found an ad in our local paper for a February Special from a limo company that includes a limo ride and dinner for 2 at a local steak house. All this for $85. It seems like a crazy amount to pay for dinner (even if it is for valentines day) but I think it will be fun. I still can't believe that they weren't booked up (the weekend before valentines day), but it is a small town. Hopefully it will be worth it, makes me a little nervouse that when we called he said I could choose any time I wanted to. Does everyone else know something we don't? None the less this girl who gives her husband a strict lecture about not buying roses on valentines day because they are way over priced is going on a limo ride and having a steak dinner for $85! We deserve it! And the kids have been super crazy, so its way worth it to get out of the house with out them. Jay's sister will be here watching the kids so we don't have to worry about them. Yay! We are getting really dressed up and everything! This is the first year since we had kids that we are actually getting to actually go out on valentines day!! I'll post later to let you know how the evening was.

Anna's Scrapbook Goals for the week :)

So I figured since Anna has been bugging me about blogging lately and since Anna & I were talking about how she can get noticed in the scrapbooking world (and even start her own product line)... I would post some blogs here for Anna to check out and contact these people. So Anna your homework for the week is to contact one of the people from these blogs and start picking their brains. Find out how they got started in the industry, how to start designing and marketing products, copy righting ideas, and any other questions you have. You also have to let me know what you find out... and last but not least when you become famous you can give your best friend credit for kick starting your career.

Little Davis Designs Blog

Karen Russel's Blog

Rhonna Farrer's Blog
check out specifically the post from Jan. 5th

Courtney Walsh's Blog - she is on the Chatterbox design team (and she is a music pastor's wife)

The one who won the Hero Arts contest & she is a Basic Grey Guest Designer

You should ask this person if she is in need of a guest desinger or anything :)

ok... so that should keep you busy for a little while. Happy homework. :)

Birth control and Biblical times

Ok so I was reading in Genesis yesterday and it really got me thinking about birth control and how much we really take control away from God in this area. Something that really got me thinking was the comment that Rachel made to Jacob about why he hadn't given her a child. Jacob's responsse was "Am I in the place of God, who has kept you from having children" For some reason this made me think alot about children and how we as a society have basically taken on the responsibility of deciding how many children we have. We have even started to explore the options of choosing the gender of our children when we do decide to have them. Jay and I had a big discussion about this last night, and I'm still not sure how exactly I feel and what my responsibility as a Christian really is in this matter. By using birth control am I really playing god in my own life. What if God wants a person to have a big family, and the parents only choose to have one. Are these people simply missing out on a blessing from God (its says in the Bible that children are a blessing from God) or are they actually prohibiting God's work on the earth... I know that God allows us to have free choice, and if we won't do something for Him, he will find someone else who will, but.... I'm just not sure... What if we decide to have 4 kids but God planned for us to be a familly of 5 or 6 (or for Jay's sake a family of 7 kids) are we somehow thwarting God's plans. What if our 5th child would have been a preacher or some other major player in the kingdom of God and we stop at 4 kids. Or maybe God only wants us to have 4 kids and we just get lucky in our planning. Also so many christians are opposed to the morning after pill, but don't think twice about using the birth control pill which can also cause abortions. We want God to direct us, but we also want control of our own plans. It's like we say God I want you to work in my life, but this is how it should be done. He may allow us to have things our way, but is it really the best, or just Him allowing us to have things the way we think we want them. ... ok so this post is completely rambling and not really following any real train of thought (guess I've been out of the practice of writing papers for seminary too long). :) Well anyway I would love to hear your thoughts on these things (all like 2 people who actually read my blog). :)

Long time - no blog

So its official I'm just a bad blogger. I'm just not one of those update your blog every day type of people (I guess since my last post was the beginning of December, I'm barely an update your blog once a month type of person) :) Its so funny because I love reading other peoples blogs, but I just can't get my self to comment, or update my own. Probably because my main online time is with one or both kids in my lap or nursing the younger one. I just don't get much time to myself, or even much time when my arms aren't full of one of the kids.. so when I do have a few minutes, I just don't blog. So here you go Anna and Deb I'm updating my blog... just for you guys. :)

"Use what we have and then no more"

Gos showed me something at church last night that I didn't really want to hear... but it makes a ton of sense now that I processed it all. The evangelist was talking about how he had 7 heart attacks at once and because of this he qualified for full disability payments from the government. He said that he didn't accept these payments because with a healing ministry he didn't feel right receiving disablity from the gov't when he was being used to heal others..... then later in the evening they were praying for Jay and one of the things they prayed for him was breaking the financial strong hold on our family. (Which is awesome... cause we make a pretty good salary here, but for some reason we never have enough money to pay our bills). Well anyway later Jay and I were talking about church and I started thinking about getting government aid. (our kids are on state medicade and we get WIC) I felt like God was asking me if we are getting this aid because we need it or do we need it because we are getting it. At first it didn't make sense, but after I prayed about it I realized that by being on medicade and WIC we are keeping a welfare spirit over our house (not trying to sound strange or super hyper spiritual) but God showed me that by depending on the aid from the government we are basically keeping God from blessing us financially. I can see now how just walking into the DHS office to get our WIC checks is allowing this welfare mentality to have a place in our lives. Sorry if my ramblings don't make sense... it makes sense to me, but sometimes is hard to convey on the internet. Anyway I was praying about what we should do and I felt like God was saying to use what we have and then no more. So we are going to use the WIC checks that we have right now (I just got them Tuesday) and keep the kids on Medicade until it expires (in April) but we aren't going to get any more WIC checks after we use these up and I will get the kids lined up to be on our insurance before April. Right now we can't afford the extra $200 it will cost each month to put them on our insurance, but I'm trusting God that it will work out and excited to experience our financial break through.

So how did they really hold it all together???

So this is my deep thought for the day... I was talking to Anna the other day about our parents and we were commenting on how it seems like our parents are going off the deep end and how were they able to raise us and seem normal all our growing up years. I have come to some interesting observations (with the help of my hubby).... First of all a little back ground. You already know about my dad from earlier blog posts, my mom divorced my dad and started dating a guy she met on the internet from England (for her credit though she is no longer dating the england guy, and is actually hanging out with someone her own age that she actually met through some friends - so even though Jay would debate me on this one, she is heading towards normalcy) :) Then there is the most recent development with Robs dad, I won't go into details but lets just say he's going awal like my dad. Then there are Anna's parents who just built themselves a huge new house (the biggest one in the town they live in) which seems a little more than obsessive for what they actually need. Jay's parents actually went through their own psycho problems when Jay was younger and are actually about as normal as they can be. (you have to know them to appreciate the comment) Any way I could go on but I just am amazed that all these people were able to hold themselves together long enough to raise us. How did we turn out ok seeing how our parents actually turned out now. Well I have a few theories. The first one I think is kind of funny... If you look at most of us with messed up parents we have either gone into the ministry or into counseling professions. Maybe deep down inside we realized our parents were messed up and wanted to enter into these helping professions to figure them out and help others not become like them (and to help ourselves not become like them). My other theory is that they were normal while they raised us (again the disclaimer of as normal as they could be) and then once their kids were gone they didn't know what to do with themselves and then went off the deep end. This theory seems to hold true because of the time frame of our (mine, Anna's and Rob's) parents situations. I know for a fact that my mom held the family together until us kids were out of the house... then she felt like it was her time.... So the big question is how do we as counselors and people in ministry prevent this in our own lives and in the lives of those we come in contact with. I think a big thing is to be involved with something other than your kids. Keep your interests and don't loose youself in raising them. Also stay friends with your spouse and make sure you have common interests. Well that is enough rambling for now (sorry if you get lost in my comments). any way I'd love to hear other theories on this from anyone who is reading this.

Change is coming

So I feel like change is coming... I'm not sure the specifics of it, but I just get a sense. Maybe its just a change in my perspective, maybe its a change in ministry, maybe its a change in location. I'm not really sure, but change is definately in the air. We have an evangelist at our church this week and I really enjoyed service on sunday morning. So much so that I suggested we go back for evening service (I know its shocking to me too). And we are going to go again tonight. ( I know its crazy) Anyway the services were really good, you could really feel God's presence (its been a while since I could actually say that about a service). Any way the first interesitng thing is that the speaker prophesied over Kevin that he and pastor would be parting ways. And that God just had him doing youth ministry as a starting ground. Then right after that they prophesied over pastor that a time was coming that he would be called on to another ministry and another place (this is good news on several levels cause I really can't handle his preaching). Anyway I was talking to Jay about it later and was kinda joking about what if pastor left and then Kevin took his place as senior pastor. I was like or you could be the new senior pastor. Jay was like no... if I did anything pastoral I would want to stick with youth. So I was like well maybe Kevin will be senior pastor and you could be the youth pastor. He was like we will see... well in Jay speak that usually means that a possibility but I'm not going to really talk about it and get my hopes up. So anyway I've just been praying and think about stuff.... I don't know what sit will look like, but i just keep picturing us doing ministry together... i see us getting more involved at church and see where God takes us. I don't want to play guessing games with God about what the future holds, but i just want to be avaliable to Him and do what he wants us to do. I've had too many maybe God wants us to do this moments lately, to try to guess what God has up His sleeve for us. but i know He is going to use us and at the very least we are going to get more involved at church. So those are my thoughts for the day... I'm actually really excited to go to service tonight.

Its late and I'm still awake

So ask me why I'm still awake at 11pm when both of my kids are sound asleep and my hubby is going to bed in a minute. Thats because H was really up all night last night (as in she would fall asleep adn then wake up 15 minutes later crying) - so I was up basically all night. The only sleep I got was when Jay got up at 6:15am until 8am when he was getting ready to leave for work. So since my sister in law was here today I decided to take a nap since I was exausted... I went to sleep at 1:30 after finally getting H down for a nap. Next thing I know the clock in our bedroom says 5:05 and I am woke up by L coming in and telling me she wants to watch a movie. So yeah... I really slept for 3 1/2 hours this afternoon. Great for my tiredness... not so good for my being able to sleep tonight. So here I sit on the computer trying to get really tired so I can actually fall asleep tonight. (I discovered after H was about 2 months old and the extreme exhaustion wore off that if I take a nap in the afternoon I can't get to sleep the next night, so we will see how tonight goes.) and hopefully H will actually sleep tonight. She threw up while nursing tonight (not sure why she only throws up at night) but she doesn't have a fever anymore, so maybe she will just be so tired from last night that she will sleep all night. I know I need the sleep. So does J since H slept in our room in her swing last night since she was so sick. So he heard her every time I got up with her. Anyway I'm rambling... but I think its working cause I'm getting really tired. Good night

Letter to my dad

(My dad called me tonight and after I got off the phone with him I felt that there were a few things that I need to reiterate to him in a letter, just because its easier I decided to type it out on here and then send it to him with a recent picture of my kids.)


Hey Dad,
It was really good to hear from you tonight. I have missed hearing from you. I wanted to tell you that it really ment a lot to me to hear you still talking about God. I have been worried about you and have been praying that you hadn't turned your back on Him after all of the things you have been through. But I'm excited to hear that you are still seeking him and looking for ways to minister to others through this all. I also wanted to tell you that even though you feel like a failure as a dad and grandpa that isn't true. To me having a dad who loves the Lord and prays for his kids is a much bigger asset to me and my kids than having a dad who had all the money in the world. I really do still love you and want you to be involved in my kids lives. I want them to know that their Grandpa loves them and prays for them. To me that is more important than anything money can buy. So please know that you aren't a failure. Regardless of what has gone on in the past or what mistakes you have made. You are my dad and I still love you. All I ask of you is that you keep serving God and keep me, my husband and my kids in your prayers. Its reassuring to know that someone else is going to the thrown room interceeding on your behalf. God is a good God and he always has and always will provide for our needs. I really don't worry much about our finances. God always provides for us and we always have enough money for the things we need.
Anyway just wanted to let you know how much it meant to me to hear from you last night. I will continue to pray for you and I will be praying that things would work out for you to go to Texas and work under M.S. if that is Gods will. I also do think it is important for you to go through inpatient counseling for you addiction. I know its hard to understand people who are addicted unless you have been in their shoes, but I really think its best for you to start out of a completely fresh foot, meaning to kick the drugs before starting over in Texas. Jay and I both are pretty sure that if you went through an inpatient rehab program they should have programs for you to find jobs and get reoriented into society after the treatment. I just don't want to see you destroy yourself. You have a lot to live for. You have two kids and two grandkids who love you and want the best for you.

Thanks again for calling me.

Love ya,
Lori

Things I would love to say to my dad right now!!!

*warning not for the faint of heart* this is not my normal happy polite christian self. This post is me letting the real Lori out to express how I really feel about my dad and haven't been able to verbalize it all.

There are so many things that I want to say to my dad. So many things that he needs to hear, but so many things that he will never hear for many reasons.
First of all what the H*!! are you doing to yourself? What on earth can be so bad that you feel like you have nothing to live for. I know for a fact that you have several things to live for... one being my brother and I, my two kids, and the fact that John is getting married soon and starting a family of his own. How can you just ruin yourself like this. Are you really that selfish that you can't see that you have a family that needs you. Just because you and mom got a divorce doesn't mean that you life is over. Why did you have to turn to drugs and gambling to solve your problems? What happened to my dad who was always calling me telling me about new things he learned in the word. Were you on drugs then too. Were the drugs what was getting you all hyped up about things in the bible or was that real excitement. How in the h@!! can you possibly blow through more than $100,000 in less than 4 years and have nothing to show for it. Well I guess you have something to show for it. I guess you have the forclosure slip that says that as of the 24th of the month you no longer have a house. You have the empty house that you sit in all day. You have the knowledge that you have never even met your second grandchild and have only seen your first one once and that was only because me and J came up to visit with her for Christmas last year. You have the guilt that is so deep that you won't even call me or acknowledge me in any way. I have sent you a card,pictures of the kids, sent you food and now most recently given you a hand made calendar with pictures of my kids and the family. But you don't even acknowledge it. You some how still thing that I don't want to talk to you because you own me $130. Do you really think that I want to loose my dad over $130!!!! Do you really think I'm that shallow.
Also why are you telling your brother to take care of your kids!! What right do you have to think you can just leave this world and everything will be ok. Why do you think its his responsibility to take care of us. We need a dad, we don't need an uncle to take his place. I don't understand you... I don't understand how you could do this to yourself and this family. You blamed mom for doing such horrible things to this family just because she finally after all those years had the courage to divorce you. What do you think you are doing to this family? I see what you are doing as worse than what she did. You are destroying your life and causing my innocent children to never know their grandpa. What did they do to deserve that? But for some reason you think that you aren't affecting anyone but yourself. You think that no one cares and you have nothing to live for. I care and I think you have things to live for. Why can't you just go to rehab and get over this. I know the addiction is tough to beat, but it can be done. And why can't you let your brother help you. Why can't you go live in his guest house and get your life back in order. Why can you ask him to take care of your kids, but you can't let him help you out.

WHY!! WHY!! WHY!!

ok my angry rant is over... i feel a lot better getting all my feelings out, even though I will never say those things to my dad. Even if he did call me ever (which I haven't talked to him in 5 months) I wouldn't have the guts to say those things to him. He's my dad, and he is also very suicidal and I couldn't let myself be the thing that put him over the edge.

Anyway if anyone is actually reading this... please pray for my dad. Pray that something happens that causes him to realize that he does have something to live for. Pray that he will accept help from my uncle and try to start his life over. Pray he will get help for his drug addiction. Pray he doesn't kill himself. Just pray for him please!!!!!

What dreams has God put in your heart?

I was doing my devotions tonight and really started thinking about the following. "God often reveales His purpose for our lives through the dreams He puts in our hearts". So my question to ponder is "what dreams has God given me for my life?" Its really easy to forget about my dreams with two little kids to take care of and bills to be paid. I need to start to dream again. I need to look deep within and see what dreams God is laying on my heart for my life, my marriage and my family.

One dream I have is to be selfless. I know it seems strange, especially coming from me who is a very selfish person naturally. But I want to not be worried about myself. I don't want to worry about our finances (easier said then done). I want to put others first. I want to give the last few dollars we have to our name, knowing that God will provide. But its so hard. I want to get to the point where money isn't an issue with me. I want to know that our needs are met and know that we have extra to give to others. I want to not regret giving things to other (not worrying what bills could have been paid with that extra $50). I always thought that once we started making more money that I would have an easier time not worrying about money but it seems that even though Jay got a significant raise a few months ago, things have been tighter and more stressful (budget wise) then they were before the raise. Maybe it has NOTHING to do with the amount of money we make, but more the attitude we have about our money. The big question is *will we let our money control us, or will we let God control our money". That is the difficult question. The funny reality is that in that question there isn't the option of will we control our money. We either let God control the money or the money will control us. Now thats some food for thought.

I love fall weather

We have finally started to feel some fall weather here. It was actually cold in the house this morning when I got up so I have all of a sudden been inspired by fall. I really enjoy this time of year. I think its because I can finally start baking again (our house doesn't have central air, so I really don't use the oven once it gets hot out), because Thanksgiving and Christmas are right around the corner (only down side to that is that I really need to get going on my Christmas presents this year) and it finally isn't 100 degrees every day! I'm thinking about making homemade pizza tonight for dinner. I love making homemade pizza (thanks to my roommate in grad. school). J and I have always ate out on friday nights, but I think we might start a new (cheaper) tradition of having homemade pizza on friday nights. I love making new family traditions. My family growing up didn't really have any traditions (at least none that really stick out to me) so I really want to establish traditions for the kids. So i think homemade pizza night will be one of those traditions. Yum!

I bet you have never heard me say this before...

I really hate money. It seems like there is never enough to go around. In our house J earms the money and I keep track of it. It generally works out pretty well for us. Except when I get frustrated when the bills exceed our income! When J first started his job here he got paid once a month. This was a big adjustment for us because we were used to getting paid every week before. We had finally gotten our budget straightened out as far as dealing with the once a month paycheck when they switched things on us. Now he gets paid every other week which you would think would be more convient, but its not. Our bills are not evenly distributed throughout the month. One pay period we don't have enough money and then the next we have extra. Until recently... Now all of a sudden our budget isn't working at all. Last pay period we came up short so I was sure that we would have extra money after this set of bills was paid, but I was wrong. We had to cut some things short to make it work. So I decided to look ahead to see what next pay period looks like - that one is even worse than the others - to the tune of over $500 short! I so don't know what happened to our finances. I don't see how the gas increase could have killed us this much. Granted we have added another baby in the last several months but she isn't eating any extra food yet (gotta love nursing) but I guess that doubles the amount of diapers we need. And I guess we did just put new tires on J's car and get the front end aligned. And then there was that speeding ticket we just paid last month from when J when to pick up his sister.... ok so I guess I can see what has happened, but it is still frustrating. Not sure how this will all work out. We have been trying to eat cheaper meals, not eat out anymore (we used to eat out once a week),, etc.. Not sure what else to do. I have two kids under 2 years old so me going back to work wouldn't be very practical. My paycheck would be eaten up by daycare and besides that staying home with these two rugrats is a high priority for me. Any way I've rambled long enough. Just wanted to vent about me dislike of money. Oh well I know it will work out somehow in the end. God will take care of us, he always does.