Disappoint is looming near

So Jay and I have been job hunting. We finally decided that it is time to leave Arkansas!!! The whole thing was started by a conversation about us needing to be close to family and stuff for the kids sake. We started talking about moving up to Iowa for a few years to be around my familiy before we permenately moved up to New York where Jay's family is. We have been talking about things for a couple of weeks, and have already applied for a couple of jobs. We are applying in both Iowa and New York for now. Well we were leaning towards moving to Iowa for a while, but it just seems like those doors keep closing. But not even just closing clearly shut, but they close, then open then seem like they are open but then close again. Its like God is teasing me with moving to Iowa. I am so frustrated right now. We still don't have a decision made as to where we are going, but doors are definately more open in New York at this point then they are in Iowa. Why is me wanting to be around my family for a few years such a bad or impossible thing. Why are we going to end up in New York around Jay's family and not mine (no offense to any of Jay's family who are readin this. Its not anything against you guys - I just want to be around my family for awhile). Why does it seem that my desire to live in Iowa is never going to happen. Why do I feel like I am wishing for something impossible. I feel like right now I might as well be saying I want to go on a cruise or a trip to Italy, cause it seem just about as likely right now. What is so wrong with being around my family. And even if it isn't what God has for us, why does it seem like He has totally been teasing me with the desire to do so and then saying no. Why let me dream. Why not let me just be miserable here instead with no hopes and no expectation for the future. Why let me have dreams anyway. Why?? I guess I should know better than to dream.