I am so frustrated / saddened by my dad lately. Ever since my parents got a divorce 4 years ago he has not been the same. He was never a great dad, never was really involved in my life in any major way, never had a great relationship with my brother or I, but at least I always knew he was my dad and I could count on him to be there for me. Now things aren't like that. He has since gotten back into drugs, literally gambled away all his money and then some, has maxed out his credit cards, got fired from his job, is selling everything in the house that isn't nailed down, borrowed money from most of the relatives (who have now cut him off financially since the figured out he was using the money to buy drugs), etc. His phone is disconnected so I haven't talked to him in probably 3 months. I know he is still around because about a month ago I got really worried about him so I called his brother to see if he had heard from him at all. That started a whole chain of events and ended up with my uncle going up to visit my dad and have him put into drug and alcohol rehab. That whole thing back fired though when my dad hired a lawyer to get him out of rehab. I guess he is supposed to be going to out patient rehab now instead of being in patient(out patient is not nearly as effective). I know my dad and he is either not going to rehab or avoiding it somehow. He isn't one to get help even when he needs it. He has also been stopping by my moms work lately trying to get money from her and trying to sell random things from the house to her (things that were hers to begin with but because of the messy divorce he kept them).
To top it all off I got a phone call last week from someone (probably a creditor) looking for my dad saying that he gave them my phone number. What the heck!!! I live over 10 hours away from him and haven't talked to him in 3 months, why are they calling me.
This whole thing just is driving me crazy. I have so many mixed emotions about it all. Part of me is mad at my dad for getting himself into this all. Part of me feels bad for him and wants to help. My husband and I talked about letting him come live with us for awhile when he first lost his job (before I found out about him being on drugs) but that isn't obviously a good idea with us having 2 small kids. I've thought about sending him money so he has money to eat, but I'm sure that it would get spent on drugs so that is just fueling his addiction rather than helping him. I just don't know what to do. I sent him a little card today just saying I was thinking about him and praying for him and that I know about the rehab situation. I also put a picture of us with the kids. I guess I'm hoping to play on his emotions and help him realize that he still has something to live for that his kids still love him and he has two beautiful granddaughters. Maybe it will be enough for him to wake up and realize he still has something to live for. Other than that I just don't know what to do. I feel like I'm sitting by watching him slowly kill himself. He has nothing right now. He has sold everything worth any value, he has no income, has no family in the area, has no friends (he has driven them all away by his behavior on drugs). He is a mess. I am so at a loss. So I repeat my question that was the title of my blog today.... HOW DO YOU SIT BACK AND WATCH SOMEONE YOU LOVE DESTOY THEMSELF???? I have no answers. Please pray for my dad, thats all I know to do.
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5 comments:
LC,
There isn't anything you can do. You have to pray to God that he hits bottom more sooner than later. Just remember you are told by God to love him but you can't change him.
Well, there's not much that i can think to say. It's rough. I think that you're handling it as well as can be expected. I'm proud of you and all that you have done to try to help your father in this. It's really a hard thing. Ultimately though, he has to make the decision. It has to be his choice.
thanks guys for the encouragement. It has just been rough watching this all go on from a distance. My brother will be home this weekend and J & I are sending him some money to buy my dad some groceries so at least he has some food and he doesn't have the option to go out and buy drugs with any money we would send him. I also sent him a card the other day with a picture of us and the kids... maybe that will help.
It seems there are so many questions in life without answers and this is one of those questions... all goes back to that little mystery called free will. I'm thankful for free will, it makes life more interesting, but so much more complicated. (way easier to screw up!) Rob and I are praying for you and your dad.
My heart aches for what you are going through. Your Dad is in such pain, isn't he? Prayer is "THE" thing you can do, not the only thing. It is "THE" thing that will make a difference. The Lord desires your Dad to follow Him. Continue to pray and I will too.
When my prodigal daughter was wayward, I prayed each day, "Lord, just please keep her alive".
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