Saturday, December 03, 2005
So how did they really hold it all together???
So this is my deep thought for the day... I was talking to Anna the other day about our parents and we were commenting on how it seems like our parents are going off the deep end and how were they able to raise us and seem normal all our growing up years. I have come to some interesting observations (with the help of my hubby).... First of all a little back ground. You already know about my dad from earlier blog posts, my mom divorced my dad and started dating a guy she met on the internet from England (for her credit though she is no longer dating the england guy, and is actually hanging out with someone her own age that she actually met through some friends - so even though Jay would debate me on this one, she is heading towards normalcy) :) Then there is the most recent development with Robs dad, I won't go into details but lets just say he's going awal like my dad. Then there are Anna's parents who just built themselves a huge new house (the biggest one in the town they live in) which seems a little more than obsessive for what they actually need. Jay's parents actually went through their own psycho problems when Jay was younger and are actually about as normal as they can be. (you have to know them to appreciate the comment) Any way I could go on but I just am amazed that all these people were able to hold themselves together long enough to raise us. How did we turn out ok seeing how our parents actually turned out now. Well I have a few theories. The first one I think is kind of funny... If you look at most of us with messed up parents we have either gone into the ministry or into counseling professions. Maybe deep down inside we realized our parents were messed up and wanted to enter into these helping professions to figure them out and help others not become like them (and to help ourselves not become like them). My other theory is that they were normal while they raised us (again the disclaimer of as normal as they could be) and then once their kids were gone they didn't know what to do with themselves and then went off the deep end. This theory seems to hold true because of the time frame of our (mine, Anna's and Rob's) parents situations. I know for a fact that my mom held the family together until us kids were out of the house... then she felt like it was her time.... So the big question is how do we as counselors and people in ministry prevent this in our own lives and in the lives of those we come in contact with. I think a big thing is to be involved with something other than your kids. Keep your interests and don't loose youself in raising them. Also stay friends with your spouse and make sure you have common interests. Well that is enough rambling for now (sorry if you get lost in my comments). any way I'd love to hear other theories on this from anyone who is reading this.
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5 comments:
Wow. Deep thoughts, Lori. Very interesting. So you are thinking our parents drove us to ministry? (because that's what I would call what Jay does) I think with my folks they have denied themselves for so long that now they've kind of fallen off the deep end, trying to make up for it. They have no realization of how extravagent it is. I don't understand how two people that have taught me my whole life that less is more cannot see this huge inconsistency. I appreciate your theories - they seem very possible.
Hey... yeah one of my theories is that in part they drove us to ministry... but I think more on a subconscious level. But of course I'm not denying our calls to ministry, but I think somehow it might be all interrelated. Just my random thoughts :)
I believe that our vertical relationship with the Father is directly related to our horizontal relationships on earth and most importantly, our spouses.
When we are young we can fill our time with children, jobs and tyranny of the urgent but when that chapter of our lives changes, it can be a jolt of reality. When there is nothing to fill that void then we could turn to the empty fluff that the world has to offer.
I guess what I'm trying to say is continue to be strong in the Lord and there will be much less of an opportunity to feel lost.
I like your theory unfortunately I also believe it. I would also like to see of the counselors and ministers how many of them are first born. My theory is the first born children tend to know what's going on and tend to deal with the dysfunction better than the other born children. This isn't the case for all situations as I being the oldest, my brother being the third of four, and my sister the youngest of four vered in the direction of counseling/ministry. Just a thought.
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